As un-understandable as it may be, I ended my Australian adventure rather quickly. And at the end of the day, I have to do what I feel is best for me. I’m not sure how to explain this to make it clear externally to someone.
First off, I do completely know that I might be missing out on an experience of a life time. I think that’s obvious. Also, I’d like to make it clear that I do believe travel is one way in which we can grow and come to better terms with self identity. I don’t generally explore. I didn’t know what else was out there and I think it is necessary to know! I just know with where I’m at right now I was not ready or prepared to do this on my own. I planned my trip quickly. As time was getting near to when I left, I didn’t feel ready. I felt like I was leaving all I knew for something I wasn’t prepared for whatsoever. Did I know enough about what I was getting into? Is this really what I wanted to do? But, I had to convince myself I was ready for a challenge and it will help me grow into someone I wanted to be, and jumped on the plane. And I wasn’t ready.
I want to explain that I went on exchange. Being on exchange pretty much means I figure out everything on my own, from flight, to accommodation, to how I will prepare meals. I planned everything by myself, without the help of mentors or advisors. Like I said, I haven’t done much exploring, in fact prior to leaving for Australia I had only been on a plane once (so naturally I studied what to do when going through security, checking bags, etc- it’s all foreign to me). Another option, that many people choose to do, is go with an outside program where you get your flight booked for you, your housing is taken care of, and you’re generally with other students from your country who are looking to get the full experience of another country, and you’d probably have a mentor or someone checking up on you- this might’ve been a better option for those less traveled, like myself. I am a lot less traveled than a lot of my friends and peers around me, and yet I’d rather not be. So why did I come home?
I struggled a lot with homesickness and anxiety, which is natural for anyone who goes abroad. I’ve had several panic and anxiety attacks in my sleep and feel uneasy all day long. But during the time I spent alone, it gave me a lot of time to think about the decision to actually go to a foreign country by myself. I know no one here, I have no family here, I had nothing that felt like home. I know a lot of people who planned their trips abroad with a friend or went to a country where they have an aunt or uncle, which is actually incredibly smart. So while I was thinking and drowning in my anxiety, I came to the conclusion that I’m only a sophomore. I have at LEAST two more years to plan a different trip abroad in a way I can enjoy the full experience. But there is a time when you might not be ready to go abroad, and I don’t think that every one will agree with me when I say that, but that is honestly my situation right now; a lot of bad timing. Luckily, at the point where I was at in my trip, I’m still able to be refunded. I still have time to take at least a few classes at MCC that will actually transfer, versus just the one class that would have transferred from Australia. I’ll be able to live rent free (thanks mom and dad) and work to save up some money.
While I was away, I started to think- I haven’t seen much of my own country. And you know what, I’ll still have plenty of time to travel my own home turf. There is a lot to America, and I haven’t even seen half of it! I think the time I did spend in Australia, was a baby step to be able to completely let go and travel more freely. The goal is to thrive in another country and for some people (not all) it does take steps and time to get to that point. I talked a lot with a counselor in Australia, and when I finally came to terms that I wanted to leave, he said “just because this time didn’t work out, doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy it at another time,” and I completely agree.
I would like to just say now, Australia is a beautiful country- there is no doubt about that. The people are also far nicer than anyone I have ever met. I met quite a few people while I was there, believe it or not and every single one treated me better than some people treat family. It all comes down to poor planning and bad timing.
I have to say though, I have learned a lot about myself in this short time period. I didn’t realize how under appreciated I treated the people around me and the things I have. I didn’t know that even living in paradise, I could want to move back to a place of flat land and cornfields. I didn’t know I was capable to feel so anxious, happy, and miserable all at the same time. Coming here even for this short amount of time sure was an experience! Like I said, I really did learn a lot about myself. Don’t get me wrong, studying abroad is a great thing and can be very beneficial in the long run and creates memories you will NEVER forget, but just because I have learned that being abroad is not for me at the moment, doesn’t mean I’m less strong. I do believe at some point within the next couple of years, I may decide I want to try going abroad again, but with a different plan of action and most likely a more temporary stay (then what was planned …haha). I know what I’m missing out on. That’s too bad, it really is. I could have made some really awesome memories and friends for a life time, which makes me sad to think about! But I know at another time and place (or maybe same place), I’ll be able to do all the things I had planned to do in Australia. Like I said, sometimes you have to take baby steps to get to a point to be comfortable and thrive in a foreign country, I think for me this was the first step. I got on that plane for a reason, unfortunately I learned that that reason was short lived. It gave me an outlook on how I should be spending my time in my own country, and also demonstrated what I want to be able to accomplish sometime in the near future, and I needed that. But for right now, I’m ready to come home.
First off, I do completely know that I might be missing out on an experience of a life time. I think that’s obvious. Also, I’d like to make it clear that I do believe travel is one way in which we can grow and come to better terms with self identity. I don’t generally explore. I didn’t know what else was out there and I think it is necessary to know! I just know with where I’m at right now I was not ready or prepared to do this on my own. I planned my trip quickly. As time was getting near to when I left, I didn’t feel ready. I felt like I was leaving all I knew for something I wasn’t prepared for whatsoever. Did I know enough about what I was getting into? Is this really what I wanted to do? But, I had to convince myself I was ready for a challenge and it will help me grow into someone I wanted to be, and jumped on the plane. And I wasn’t ready.
I want to explain that I went on exchange. Being on exchange pretty much means I figure out everything on my own, from flight, to accommodation, to how I will prepare meals. I planned everything by myself, without the help of mentors or advisors. Like I said, I haven’t done much exploring, in fact prior to leaving for Australia I had only been on a plane once (so naturally I studied what to do when going through security, checking bags, etc- it’s all foreign to me). Another option, that many people choose to do, is go with an outside program where you get your flight booked for you, your housing is taken care of, and you’re generally with other students from your country who are looking to get the full experience of another country, and you’d probably have a mentor or someone checking up on you- this might’ve been a better option for those less traveled, like myself. I am a lot less traveled than a lot of my friends and peers around me, and yet I’d rather not be. So why did I come home?
I struggled a lot with homesickness and anxiety, which is natural for anyone who goes abroad. I’ve had several panic and anxiety attacks in my sleep and feel uneasy all day long. But during the time I spent alone, it gave me a lot of time to think about the decision to actually go to a foreign country by myself. I know no one here, I have no family here, I had nothing that felt like home. I know a lot of people who planned their trips abroad with a friend or went to a country where they have an aunt or uncle, which is actually incredibly smart. So while I was thinking and drowning in my anxiety, I came to the conclusion that I’m only a sophomore. I have at LEAST two more years to plan a different trip abroad in a way I can enjoy the full experience. But there is a time when you might not be ready to go abroad, and I don’t think that every one will agree with me when I say that, but that is honestly my situation right now; a lot of bad timing. Luckily, at the point where I was at in my trip, I’m still able to be refunded. I still have time to take at least a few classes at MCC that will actually transfer, versus just the one class that would have transferred from Australia. I’ll be able to live rent free (thanks mom and dad) and work to save up some money.
While I was away, I started to think- I haven’t seen much of my own country. And you know what, I’ll still have plenty of time to travel my own home turf. There is a lot to America, and I haven’t even seen half of it! I think the time I did spend in Australia, was a baby step to be able to completely let go and travel more freely. The goal is to thrive in another country and for some people (not all) it does take steps and time to get to that point. I talked a lot with a counselor in Australia, and when I finally came to terms that I wanted to leave, he said “just because this time didn’t work out, doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy it at another time,” and I completely agree.
I would like to just say now, Australia is a beautiful country- there is no doubt about that. The people are also far nicer than anyone I have ever met. I met quite a few people while I was there, believe it or not and every single one treated me better than some people treat family. It all comes down to poor planning and bad timing.
I have to say though, I have learned a lot about myself in this short time period. I didn’t realize how under appreciated I treated the people around me and the things I have. I didn’t know that even living in paradise, I could want to move back to a place of flat land and cornfields. I didn’t know I was capable to feel so anxious, happy, and miserable all at the same time. Coming here even for this short amount of time sure was an experience! Like I said, I really did learn a lot about myself. Don’t get me wrong, studying abroad is a great thing and can be very beneficial in the long run and creates memories you will NEVER forget, but just because I have learned that being abroad is not for me at the moment, doesn’t mean I’m less strong. I do believe at some point within the next couple of years, I may decide I want to try going abroad again, but with a different plan of action and most likely a more temporary stay (then what was planned …haha). I know what I’m missing out on. That’s too bad, it really is. I could have made some really awesome memories and friends for a life time, which makes me sad to think about! But I know at another time and place (or maybe same place), I’ll be able to do all the things I had planned to do in Australia. Like I said, sometimes you have to take baby steps to get to a point to be comfortable and thrive in a foreign country, I think for me this was the first step. I got on that plane for a reason, unfortunately I learned that that reason was short lived. It gave me an outlook on how I should be spending my time in my own country, and also demonstrated what I want to be able to accomplish sometime in the near future, and I needed that. But for right now, I’m ready to come home.